the thing that makes life worth it are people living it with you...

so today i was thinking about my life. and i realized ive had a pretty tough life. ive been through times where i was so happy i felt like flying to times ive been so sad ive wanted to kill myself. but i have to thank the people who made me soo happy to be alive and the people who made and still make my life a living hell. you must think im crazy for saying i want to thank the people who have made my life a living hell but im not. i want to thank them because i think about what would my life be like without them. well think of my life as one long movie. everyone likes some good drama in a movie,  fight here, a stolen boy friend there, thats just the way life is. and i wouldnt like my movie if there wasnt any drama or break up make ups first kisses bullies or any of that good stuff. but who would i be if i was never bullied, broken up with the day after valentines day, had my best friend movie to virginia, who would i be. so but i guess the thing that makes life worth it are the people living it with you.  

Admitting it is just the first step...

Well I have always thought I was fat. Since I was 9 years old. I used to be so convinced I was fat for so long. I still think I am. I am trying to tell myself that I'm not, but nothing is working. Every time I go to get clothes or look in the mirror I feel so fat. Especially at Areo and Hollister because I am a 5\6 pant size in Areo and a Medium in Hollister. When ever my friends tell me what size they are I feel so fat because it is smaller than mine. I just hate feeling like I am. Probably because I have been called fat before, but I don't want to get into that story. I hate saying I am. I wish I wouldn't but I do. I mean like I have some amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me and I hate saying I'm fat. I don't want to lose them because I say it. I would be lost without them. I know what your thinking. She's only 13 almost 14 and she is saying she'll be lost without her boyfriend, but before we started dating we was like my best friend. And same with my friends. I mean they say I'm not countless times but I still feel like I am. But I guess I feel like I am because I'm not an active person and I don't have any muscle. Just jiggly fat. And I'm sorry to everyone I piss off when I say I am. But I guess admitting it is just the first step...

You know my name not my story is what I want to think....

ok so the title says it all. there are these kids from wyoming seminary and they think they know me but they don't at least thats what i want to think. they think my like bestfriend,my sister and me are all sluts. and now im starting to believe them. im not going to say their names but they know who they are. so last night i started crying because of it because what if thats what people get from me as a first impression and thats why they think im a slut. my friend keeps telling me they know are names not our story and were not sluts,skanky,annoying bitches like they say we are. my boyfriend and my friend keep telling me that they are leing and so are all my other friends that i ask. but ive been through this before where i was called a skank and a slut and obsessive and a lesbian but it was by my so called friends. so its hard to believe my friends. if anyone is listing you know my name and not my story is what i want to think.