Admitting it is just the first step...

Well I have always thought I was fat. Since I was 9 years old. I used to be so convinced I was fat for so long. I still think I am. I am trying to tell myself that I'm not, but nothing is working. Every time I go to get clothes or look in the mirror I feel so fat. Especially at Areo and Hollister because I am a 5\6 pant size in Areo and a Medium in Hollister. When ever my friends tell me what size they are I feel so fat because it is smaller than mine. I just hate feeling like I am. Probably because I have been called fat before, but I don't want to get into that story. I hate saying I am. I wish I wouldn't but I do. I mean like I have some amazing friends and a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me and I hate saying I'm fat. I don't want to lose them because I say it. I would be lost without them. I know what your thinking. She's only 13 almost 14 and she is saying she'll be lost without her boyfriend, but before we started dating we was like my best friend. And same with my friends. I mean they say I'm not countless times but I still feel like I am. But I guess I feel like I am because I'm not an active person and I don't have any muscle. Just jiggly fat. And I'm sorry to everyone I piss off when I say I am. But I guess admitting it is just the first step...